My wife's passing was long, slow, and filled with pain. Those last 18 months were spent confined to a bed, on oxygen and intravenous medication, unable to care for herself, and unable even to sit up on the side of the bed. Eighteen months, flat on her back and hating every minute of it.

Sharon had always been one of the most independent women I have ever known. So self reliant, so capable, and so proud. To be so totally dependent on others caused her more pain than all her physical illnesses combined. Still she endured. Still she fought the good fight.

And then finally, there was no more strength to fight. The will to fight finally died while her body struggled on. She ask to be taken off all medications except for the pain killers and to be let to go to sleep and pass with dignity. And that is just what she did. I lost her on May 5, 1999.

She had been ill for a long time with Sarcoidosis. The disease was first diagnosed in 1974. Down through the years there would be periodic flare ups followed by periods of remission. The flare ups became more frequent with each passing year. The periods of remission grew shorter. We both knew the ultimate outcome and spoke of it often. When I ask her what she wanted done after her passing, she replied she wanted to be cremated and her ashes spread in the Gulf of Mexico.

When I ask why the Gulf, she replied for two reasons really. First, she had always loved the Gulf – we had visited it many times on trips to my parents home in Ft. Myers, Fl. And secondly, she had suffered constantly with her hands and feet always being feverish, especially the last few years, and she wanted to rest in a cool, cool place.

It was several months after her passing before our two daughters, our two granddaughters, and I could comply with her wishes. During that time her ashes rested peacefully in a bedroom closet in the home she loved. In a strange and quiet kind of way, it was comforting to know she was there with me still. Resting for her final journey.

The trip down to Ft. Myers was a solemn trip for my daughters and I. The granddaughters were too young to be solemn and chattered noisily the whole trip down. They knew they were taking Grandma some place, and they knew she was gone, but theirs was the innocence of youth and they were happy on the trip.

Sanibel Island is connected to the mainland by a series of causeways connecting several smaller islands. Whenever we had been down to see my folks, we would always go across to Sanibel and stop on at least one of the small islands between the causeways links. She had loved it there.

We chose to spread her ashes in the peace of the night from the first of the several small islands. We sought the privacy of the night for the dignity of the occasion. Michele had purchased two helium filled ballons that resembled butterflies. One for each of the granddaughters to release when I spread Sharon's ashes.

The night was not dark at all. There seemed to be a phosphorescence to the water. Moonlight was bright upon us, yet there were dark cloud masses rolling across the darkened sky. In the distance across the water to the west , we could see the dimly lit skyline of Sanibel Island. Across the water to the east, the skyline of Punta Rasa could also dimly be seen. A good breeze blew across the small island headed west to Sanibel.

Michele and Melanie stood on the shore behind me as I waded out into the glowing water. Brittany and Lindsay each held their balloons and each others hands. As I poured Sharon's ashes out, the heavier ash fell to the water while the lighter blew across the water towards Sanibel leaving a long plume that slowly settled. As I watched the ash trailing away both in the water and just above the surface, the two balloons went streaking by just above me. Sharon's spirit was free of all pain and on the face of the world in a place she held dear.

We said our last goodbyes then. But as we drove back to the motel in silence, I realized it was not a final goodbye. It wasn't even a goodbye at all. She was still there with me. With all of us really. She was there in our memory and in our hearts. She would always be with us.